I just don’t know….

Today is my husband’s birthday. I bought him a new phone despite knowing that we couldn’t afford it right now. And it hurts being on such a tight budget. I’m the only one working, and it’s part time. He’s looking for a job, but who wants to hire a person with a learning disability? We can barely afford the only two bills we have, and even though I hate it, thank God we are staying with my in laws right now.
We have just over $20 in the bank, and I have to figure out how to make it stretch until next Thursday. Plus, we have no working car, so I also have to figure out how I’m getting to work. I’m trying not to be negative but it’s very hard. We can’t keep asking for money, I already have to pay his mother back for paying for the parts we need. I just don’t know what to do.
I think sometimes if we made the right choice….I wonder if I did. I mean, I turned down a full time job for the one I have now because of empty promises. And as much as I love my husband and our family, I know I wouldn’t be having such a hard time if I was single. I sometimes wish I was so I could actually afford to support myself. And then I feel horrible for feeling like that.
We’re playing the waiting game on a job, on if he gets more government assistance, on waiting for my raise or more hours. I know my husband is having a hard time with all of this too. Maybe he feels even worse because I am the only one working. I know he feels bad because he’s having such a difficult time finding a job. I pray every day a door is opened.
Right now….I have no idea how I’m going to make it til my next paycheck….