The “S” word

Surgery.
Ugh.
I don’t want to think about it. Unfortunately I have to. I have to go the hospital and get my son’s CT scan results and take it to the children’s hospital and hear about what the doctor is going to do. Again. I’ve already done it, but my husband didn’t. So we get to go back and I get to listen to all the details once more. And I’m thinking about tuning it all out. I don’t want to hear about the doctor opening up my son’s head and removing the part of his skull that’s fused. I don’t want to hear about the procedure and risks.
I’m absolutely terrified. I don’t want to hear it all over again. I understood the first time.
My son is going to have surgery. My baby. He’s not even three months.
I talked it out with my husband. Talked with a friend who’s actually gone through this too. I even have the same doctor! I’m praying for peace, for God to guide the doctor’s hands. I’m praying my husband will understand in order for me to remain calm, he has to as well.
They say my son will have to stay in the hospital 3-5 days after surgery….guess who’s not going home until he does. My husband and I have already decided we’re packing a bag to stay. I can’t leave him. It’s going to kill me when I have to go to work. I think this is the first time I’ve been grateful my husband doesn’t work right now.
I’m shaking….trying not to cry. I am so absolutely terrified….

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