Disastrously fun

So, my mom, brother, husband, son, and myself started a family trip March 13. First we went to camping with my aunt, uncle, and their two kids. Then we drove to California for some fun…..didn’t go exactly as planned. We kept sleeping in, the truck even broke down. First we were late to leave foe camping. I mean, we lost a whole day. After having a blast camping, We were late to Glendale. Then we tried to do too much in one day. My Auntie Gini let us keep our trailer parked at her house while we went traveling, but we slept in again, and we were late to Santa Barbara. We had a little time to do some things, my husband and I even got to celebrate our anniversary. We walked down State Street, spent some money, and had a decent time. Then we slept I’m AGAIN. The truck broke down on the way to San Francisco, and our day was lost. But we met some really cool people and had a lot of food. After the truck got fixed, we were not only extremely late to San Francisco, but we also lost the room because the travel website had not updated their info and we hadn’t known our pets weren’t allowed. So Mom had to find a new room, but then we had to waste a day waiting for check in. We went to the Golden Gate Bridge, the boys went bike riding, we explored and old army base. I mean, we did things we wanted, but we also had to keep the pets in mind because they were stuck in the truck with all our crap. We got to our room (which was almost an hour away) and passed out…..which meant sleeping in lol. So when we went to Fisherman’s Wharf, we hadn’t had all the time we wanted. But we still had a good time. We were able to leave on time back to Santa Barbara for a quick stop, but lost a day due to an emotional break down. So we didn’t make it until super late, and had to stay the night. Plus, my mom, brother and myself had begun to get sick. We made it to Glemde, got our things, but lost a day because of traffic and my getting very sick. So when we left, we had to stop at the border of California and Arizona to sleep….and now we are back on the road to Arizona to catch a flight to Florida for Disney World. Oh! I also forgot to mention that this whole time we had no idea what we were going to do with our pets while we were on Florida. It wasn’t until early this morning that we found a solution. Our plans kept falling through and I was getting very mad.
So now, we are on the road, back to drop off the pets to the wonderful people who stepped up, drop off the trailer, and get everything ready for our flight tomorrow. Let’s hope and pray we have just as much fun!

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Breathe

Stop.
Pause.
Cease.

That’s what I’m learning to do. Just take a break and breathe. I started a new study with a group of ladies from church, and it’s nice. It’s all about taking a Sabbath, taking time for God. I think what I like most is that it’s not saying one single day, like Sunday. It’s more about a moment. I’ve learned I don’t tend to overdo most things, but there are still areas I need to work on. Being a part time working mom, I know my days are filled. So much of my time is taken up that I rarely take a break to sit with God. Even when I’m able to go back to being a stay at home mom, I’m going to be busy with kids and chores. When the kids are out or napping I know I’ll be taking the opportunity to do housecleaning.
I’ve been really down on myself lately. I wasn’t able to stay home long with my son because my husband lost his job. So I had to return to work. I feel like I’m missing out on things. And when I’m home, I try to do so much because I don’t have much time to do it. There have been some opportunities that are showing themselves and I hope this is the direction that God is pointing us. Simply because I will be able to stay at home. Plus, I’m expecting again….I’m going to need to take time off anyway. I just hope that we’ll have better luck. We need stability. We need to find a way to stay above water.
There is just so much going on, and it’s the perfect time for me to learn how to BREATHE.

Life, loss, and a new year

How do I start this? How do I begin…. What are the right words….
As I have said before, my dad was hospitalized for months for leukemia. They did chemo and antibiotics..,his organs began to fail and fungus grew on his skin and liver. The only explanation was that the chemo broke his body down so much everything bad was given access to his body. A month and a half before this started, he had gone to the doctor for a routine check up and everything was fine….and then he was rushed to the hospital. A little over three months later, my dad was transferred to hospice and passed after being there for two days…
It all happened so fast. We were hit with a train. Some good came out of it (which is insane to say). My dad and I reconciled after over a year of not speaking. He met his grandson, saw his son after 10 years, and met my cousin’s husband. He asked for forgiveness and dished it out. He humbled himself before us and brought God back into his life. My mom and him forgave each other and had planned to begin again when he was released from the hospital…which never really happened.
But I can say happily that there are no regrets. I will miss him, and I wish I could have that year back, but God had a plan. And I have accepted that.
We learned a hard lesson, and now we are having to move on and help others.
It is hard to start a new year without my dad. I said to myself on New Year, I wasn’t going to make a resolution. But I’ve decided to make a pledge…I pledge to be a honorable wife, a patient daughter, an understanding sister, an honest friend, a kind sister in law, a loving daughter in law, and a gracious (step)mom. I feel that my dad would have accepted that, he would have agreed that this was a good idea. I can only hope to live life letting everyone I come into contact with know how much they are loved. I don’t want to waste another minute being negative and angry.
I’m not sure how to end this now…I guess…until next time…

My little boy

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I never thought I could be filled with so much love. He is so precious and wonderful.
I love being a mom. I’ve always wanted to be one, and at 16 I just KNEW I was going to have lots of kids. I couldn’t wait to meet the right man. I wanted so badly to have a child. Though I was a bit terrified. What if I was a bad mom? What if I did something wrong and screwed my kid up? Suddenly, I wasn’t sure anymore.
Then I met my husband and his little girl. And he reassured me that I had nothing to worry about.
When I got pregnant, I read all the books. I made lists, plans. I joined mommy groups. I did everything I could to be prepared. But nothing could prepare me for all the emotions.
I am proud to say I am the mommy to a beautiful healthy baby boy. I am still terrified, but I’ve come to understand that’s a normal feeling. And I’ve learned that mothers who are worried about being bad moms normally aren’t. I’m looking forward to the many years of mommyhood.

Alone Time….

….does not exist. 

I love my son, but I’d love to shower by myself. I can’t believe I took that time for granted. I just want to enjoy one hot shower!

And my husband is barely any help. The Man-child, ugh. Why are men so infuriating? 

I’ve been trying to get house work done, on top of work. Those women who work from home….how I praise them. Stay at home moms, Suzie Homemakers? I apologize for any negative thing I have ever said. I applaud you. Believe me, I am talking to all my mom friends for tips and taking notes. Being a mom is TOUGH work. 

Though I wouldn’t admit that to some people. Not that I’m trying to be prideful….it’s just that there are some people in my life who like to get a little more involved and offer “helpful” advice on how I’m doing everything wrong. I already feel a level of inadequacy, I don’t need any help. I’m a young mom, there’s going to be a lot of trial and error. If I really wanted your advice, I’d ask.

I look at my son (who is actually sleeping on me as I type this) and feel so much love. I  never thought I could feel a love so powerful. I mean, I knew I was going to love him…but this is more than I expected. Honestly, I get jealous sometimes when someone else is holding him. Ugh, that sounds a bit crazy doesn’t it? Am I the only one? Say no please.

That alone time I wanted? Yeah, I’m enjoying not being able to move due to the fear of my son waking….