That’s what I’m learning to do. Just take a break and breathe. I started a new study with a group of ladies from church, and it’s nice. It’s all about taking a Sabbath, taking time for God. I think what I like most is that it’s not saying one single day, like Sunday. It’s more about a moment. I’ve learned I don’t tend to overdo most things, but there are still areas I need to work on. Being a part time working mom, I know my days are filled. So much of my time is taken up that I rarely take a break to sit with God. Even when I’m able to go back to being a stay at home mom, I’m going to be busy with kids and chores. When the kids are out or napping I know I’ll be taking the opportunity to do housecleaning.
I’ve been really down on myself lately. I wasn’t able to stay home long with my son because my husband lost his job. So I had to return to work. I feel like I’m missing out on things. And when I’m home, I try to do so much because I don’t have much time to do it. There have been some opportunities that are showing themselves and I hope this is the direction that God is pointing us. Simply because I will be able to stay at home. Plus, I’m expecting again….I’m going to need to take time off anyway. I just hope that we’ll have better luck. We need stability. We need to find a way to stay above water.
There is just so much going on, and it’s the perfect time for me to learn how to BREATHE.
How do I start this? How do I begin…. What are the right words….
As I have said before, my dad was hospitalized for months for leukemia. They did chemo and antibiotics..,his organs began to fail and fungus grew on his skin and liver. The only explanation was that the chemo broke his body down so much everything bad was given access to his body. A month and a half before this started, he had gone to the doctor for a routine check up and everything was fine….and then he was rushed to the hospital. A little over three months later, my dad was transferred to hospice and passed after being there for two days…
It all happened so fast. We were hit with a train. Some good came out of it (which is insane to say). My dad and I reconciled after over a year of not speaking. He met his grandson, saw his son after 10 years, and met my cousin’s husband. He asked for forgiveness and dished it out. He humbled himself before us and brought God back into his life. My mom and him forgave each other and had planned to begin again when he was released from the hospital…which never really happened.
But I can say happily that there are no regrets. I will miss him, and I wish I could have that year back, but God had a plan. And I have accepted that.
We learned a hard lesson, and now we are having to move on and help others.
It is hard to start a new year without my dad. I said to myself on New Year, I wasn’t going to make a resolution. But I’ve decided to make a pledge…I pledge to be a honorable wife, a patient daughter, an understanding sister, an honest friend, a kind sister in law, a loving daughter in law, and a gracious (step)mom. I feel that my dad would have accepted that, he would have agreed that this was a good idea. I can only hope to live life letting everyone I come into contact with know how much they are loved. I don’t want to waste another minute being negative and angry.
I’m not sure how to end this now…I guess…until next time…